music=love rock=love

to my father

2007-09-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

this will be the last blog i shall have in this blog.

father, you have taught me well. i am proud to have u as my father. and i have learn alot of valuable things from you. father, though you have not seen my blog..but what i have told you, you have heard before when you are in coma..

dad, i dedicate the song tears from x-japan to you, it is a sad tune but remember wherever whenever, dry your tears with love. there is a part sang in english that goes like this

loneliness your silent whisper
fills a river of tears
through the night
memory you never let me cry
and you, you never said good-bye
sometimes our tears blinded the love
we lost our dreams along the way
but i never thought you trade your
soul to the fates
never thought you'ld leave me alone
time through the rain has set me free
sands of time will keep your memory
love everlasting fades away
alive within your beatless heart

dry your tears with love

my father, you taught me to be a serious man..i will never forget this 17 years with you around in my life. dad, father how i may greet you, you are always that someone for me.

i look through the photos we took when i was an infant..how i wish we could share such moments again. at sis graduation, me, sis mum and you..that picture will be my favourite. i will keep it for life

i felt comfort because i had you as my father who has been teaching me the right morals. i felt comfort because i rushed back and able to spend a week with you before you left for heaven.

during the wake, i felt that you are still here and you will come back even though the cover has been lowered.. then i tell myself i dun wan to lie to myself. on the last day of the wake, i woke up with tears in my eyes. i dun want you to leave. but you must leave to heaven.

when my hands was on the car, i felt that i had so many many things i want to tell you before you really leave..but all i can do is to keep tellin you to go in peace.

at mandai, i called your name in tears when you are being sent into flames..i wish you could hear my saddness..

father you really taught me well and i am proud to have inherited your genes of making friends.

dad, i love you and cherish you with all i have. i am grown up enough. it is a hard process but i will still grow up because i don't want you to worry . you will be alive within our heart

father rest in peace, for you will be remembered and cherished for life. your son will fulfill what he promised. whatever success i have, it will be entitled to you, my father.

dad, we love you

tan khiam hock, my loving father,
20 january 1953- 18 september 2007

count down, the last week

2007-08-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

ok, people, i am leaving this rock (not the earth) for 7 weeks. going not exactly a holiday. i am going to china, san dong, wei hai city. for my industrial trip.

i'll take this trip as a learning experience for myself, find my mature self, able to leave home for 7 weeks. i belief this chance is rare. so i will cherish this trip.

to all my frens reading this, yes my family and frens, i will miss you all. your presence in my heart will keep me motivated for this 7 weeks to perform my best.

i will miss home, miss everyone i know :)

i know it sounds gay, but who cares its' my blog.

7 days, around 10 and a half hour, i will be on my flight.

4 more papers.

next sem, new classmate, new life, a whole new ball game, can i overcome my problem? so i can leave on this trip with a clear mind and heart.

let's just wait and see.

before i have no chance to say this, i appreciate all that come to see me off, i thank you all from the deepest of my heart.

this shall be last post before i come back to singapore.

will you let up the sky? light it up for you?
i guess you wun be reading this anyway.

i somehow thinks you know..if you know, will you give me a sign? (keep my fingers cross, hopefully its a good sign)

2007-08-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

i have the clearest idea of how..what is the feeling of that coke bottle after it has been shaked forever but never opened to released the gas inside, sorry for the lousy english illustration, on the whole..I JUST FEEL FUCKED UP,

i can feel my chest tighten, heart thumping loud in my ear...

all the negative things i've heard this week, indeed, fucked up enough.

specualtion, like i do give a fuck to wad the world think of me, to hell with self proclaim judge who think they can judge anyone any how...aiya, just dun act, show it, i am trying not to use harsh word here, so just show urself, do it, face me with the real u, come on.

oh..and out of the 3009 players in SF, I AM THE ONLYU BASTARD THAT COME PLAY FOR 2 WHOLE WEEKS, I CAN'T LOG IN, CAN'T KILL THOSE SONS OF GUNS, oh fuck..

and sis, stop being a bitch, please, teacher cannot be bitches.

half an hour from now, 15 days to exam, 24 days to the end of TB07 2007 sem 2.1

tell me why i am sad? and i am so damn disappointed...come on rthur..don't feel like u r going to whine..don't whine...don't feel sad..every one tries their best to unite the class..but i m sorry that people just don't show enough support so, too bad for me den.

if i can't see her everyday, is it going to be that harder? or is it going to be the same..

i am somehow on the edge that i feel lik my emotions ,not emo, will burst out. yea, remember how the coke feeling..

ok at least soemthing good, happen this week, to u benny, congrats. u have better hold on to this, ur consultant that is not paid. LOL

oh fuck..can i lock the emotions in me?

i feel lik i am goin to burst after tonight, after sis consume my time away using kong long ( my laptop) to watch dunno wad guys in pin hole camera, acting like she was some voyeur...and after that made use fo my time to burn her photos....oh crap..why does it seem to her, i have BETTER THINGS TO DO!

maybe being an elder sister soemtimes mean u r blind to soemthing, BUT NOT THAT BLIND.

the thumping in my chest hasn't subside..and i swear it is driving me to confess to her..i know i can't...i can't because it isn't the right time...or it is just too early?

the thumpin in the radio doesn't feel good all the time

something

2007-07-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

hey people, sorry to be away for so long, i was busy clogged up, wadever u guys wan to say just stuck with project and tmr is the last presentation.
and yea, i think many heard the good news and the bad message.
yes i m flyin this coming month, in fact it is about a month away, on 25th august, time not sure. for my Industrial training program. i will be headin china, shan dong wei hai ( can someone guide me to where is this?)

and yea, some family problem and i culd say i break away from my old skin and clean the bad blood with my own hands.
miss koh taught me well and i learnt, thou shall have revenge. and yes i will, in a lawful way :)

oh yea i am evil..LOL..

so life, ok i try to cut this crap that no one knows. yesterday on my way home with jermaine, talk about something, she told me somethings and i know she was driving at somethings.
so everyone on earth do something for motive, not out of the good will?
dun be superficial, not everyone (yes noteveryone) do things because they have motive. some (and yes some) do things out of goodwill so their conscious are clear
be nice, read the person well, not everyone do things for motive. if everyone is doin things for motive, i wuld have stop helping so much and get my motive done and get out of everyone live. thanks though i dunno if anyone will read this

sis, u tell me the pics were crawlin as slow as crap.
sis, have u seen a crap crawlin? if have, please let me know, i am damn interested to see it..LOL

serene blog plays great song, i swear, really great song. but since i am evil. i will keep it to myself and wun link her..wahahahahahahahahaha..

Soldier Front is getting more addictive after a whole day of study and muggin for exams.
specially when the people wearing helmet seems to die even faster..LOL..and the announcement of double kill..wa..it just sound good :)
boys will be boys

oh, it's wednesday already.
take care all. see u all soon.

and one more thing i will be refurnishing my blog b4 exam so yup. look out for it :)

if only life was that simple...life wun need the art of life

sch starts

2007-06-27T06:36:00.001-07:00

ok its wednesday and i have yet read many piece of my notes...oh shit, i feel the slack feeling all over me..ooh..scary but relaxing. damn it la, dun slack liao.

ok, this is going to be a short mid term. let's mug hard and kiss our pathetic slacking ass goodbye, hopefully..haha.

sigh, the news was passed, yes, rapid wolverine passed away. let's pray for his family and him, may the world remember his legendary career in the WWE.
let's make a last toast of whatever alcohol you are holding to the rapid wolverine.

ok, reng fu, bixia, all of u are stars in my sky of friends :) satisfied?

haha, well, life is never enough when we meet wonderful yet crazy mad people like reng fu, bixia and ah soh. let me name a few of my squadmate, reng fu (i meant pinkybear2222, count the number of 2's it's the number of times u said), ong bak, rong qing, jie lun, km, benson, clement, bochun, ziming and daniel plus wei wei. this are some, i stress SOME of the mad people i know. haha, feel honoured that your name is mentioned.

next friday, IEF project deadline, kiss my ass....
next week no e-learning, oh another shittified week
tmr is IS, basic conversational japanese...wa..kawaii girls all arive !
next sat is cousin's wedding..hoho, good food, dress nice, bring my handphone to show off how good my 3.2 megapixel is..haha!

ok, getting to work, the work that made me colder than the stinging cold water.

what are we looking forward to in life?

2007-06-26T03:26:00.000-07:00

a question to all: what are we looking forward to in life?

my answer: nothing

reason: i live for today, not looking forward to anything tmr because today is today, tomorrow i s tomorrow, i wouldn't give a fucka bout it till it arrives.

i love today, not tomorrow. yes i am looking forward to nothin tomorrow because it hasn't arrive or happen. living for today, that's for real.

the more we think of tmr , the more it stresses us out, so why stress myself out?

living for today people, for now. not tomorrow

we still have our goals and dreams in life, yes we look forward for them to happen but looking forward for some other things, i heck care those.

just live your life once and that's it

2007-06-17T00:08:00.000-07:00

yes yes i am pretty lazy about bloggin lately. no, not lazy, tired. projects draining my life away. perhaps i should have listen to joleen and go to design. perhaps la. but i am doing something i like, so a bit of complain also nvm la.

let's start with event of the month..(drum roll)..THE NIGHT AT CHOMP CHOMP. FEATURING THE ONE AND ONLY, THE MOST HIGHLY MOST WHATEVER..ME. and the supporting cast are SOH, XIA AND THE ONE AND ONLY RETARDED HEAD OF THE LIFETIME..MR TAN RENG FU. claps claps.

yes yes, abit exaggerating. but hey, that night was lovely, really. went to pl station pick soh up and she saw me was like OMG, I HAVEN SEEN HIM FOR AGES. lol, same goes for me. took a bus down to serangoon to meet xia and rf complaining about how loud their stomach was eumbling. greedy people, can't blame. haha. anyway. chatted along the way and made me feel very very very very very relax. i enjoy all of my frens company and it made me feel...refresh ( at least that's the word i can think of now ). having them for company was really the greatest that happen for this month. so far. yea and i wanna tell them i love them.

and to soh, read this, I REALLY NEHER SEE. haha. i can't belief we spend the whole damn like 2 odd hours laughin at soh's joke about people.can't remember though. haha, evil but pure funny. haha.

even now bloggin about it makes me wanna laugh. haha.

ok, after that night. dreading every moment of my life. projects projects. so little time so many things to do, tell me how? i need to get a watch that says i have 48 hours a day..wa..shiok, i can sleep 10 or more hours away and still have time to complete everything. lovely.

today is fathers day, to my dad, happy father day though i know u wun read it here.
imagine myself, about 10 odd years down the road. i hear the same thing from a kid that is my child la. wa...can't imagine what will i feel if that is said to me.

SMACK MY FACE AND WAKE UP, 10 WHOLE DAMN YEARS. STILL LONG LA. DO PROJECT NOW LA.

ok, the other me smakc me awake. but really i feel very very tired and find it hard to explain my thoughts lately, have i become more retarded? note i use the word more because i noe i m retarded sometime, yes, only sometimes. damn..the dumpling festival is here. there will be dumpling for breakfast and lunch and dinner. it happens every year. gee, i need to stay in school.

haha. anyway, in case no birdie notices. check ur calendar, it says JUNE, which means half of year 2007 is gone.
time flies when you enjoy but time zooms past when you are tied up with many things to do.
mean fact in life, accept it.

it's a sunday. taking a break now just to blog. ooh..b4 i forget, i am into sf with bert89 and cooper, eh fellas i say we form a clan, call the singapore sling. how's about that?

when u look back in life and look ahead. you realise something. at the point you are standing now, nothing is going to be the same as b4 or after.

as for me, music is once my antidote, now it is both an antidote and poison.
maybe a new antitode will be helpful and i have in mind what is it and i know people will kill me if i do it, i dun have to say much. go figure it out yourself.

music was once my antidote, it is now a poison as well.

2007-06-05T05:11:00.000-07:00

ok, sis just ask me: do u think i can fit a FBT short?

i am evil, trust me i am.
i replied, 'seen a hippo wear bikini before?'

haha..i am evil. and i swear i am cause i feel warm, like how the ghosr rider would feel. trust me, i have been sweating non stop for going to 3 hours. i swear. ok, the fact is i sweat alot, but not this much. the sweat is drippin of my head, drip drip drip.

if i bathe in warm water later, i might end up to become the flame boy in fantastic 4.

ok, today is not a nice day. IEF isn't much of a killer, but the true/false section is. trust me, it is.
i've never seen anything so challenging.
ok, let me give all a clue of how my day went, studied for 6 hours non-stop(really no stop) went through a tough paper and try to help out as much as i can. came home to see parents scolding one another.
easy guess on how's my day ah.

dad, please try to understand why is everyone doing it. and please family, please...don't treat him like..like.. he's so sick that he can eat anything. please. be understanding everyone

i see the way granny treat her son, it's like how she manage the dog's meal. can't eat too much, too salty, too sweet and so on. i understand dad't frustration but i dun understand his mouth that can't stop complaining.

oh hell with it. it's an irony of similarity between human and animal.

the sweat is dripping, wow, i am like a fountain, i swear i am.

tmr ec, should i just give up? i can easily do that. but must i?

2007-05-31T07:47:00.000-07:00

i have very nice friends, i can name you some of them.
reng fu, bert, bose and also weeeeeeee hao..lol

this group of people are the best.
reng fu for the things he told me that made me feel the wind blowing around the world, nice feeling. thanks for telling me those things.

as for the rest of the three, the adventure begins now.
we meet for dinner at chom chomp. packed. but still with my, MY, ability, i found a table for 4. and wa..weeee hao turned up late. best, clap clap for him. haha..but nvm, through out the meal we were discussing good looking girls around that area, not bad, quite a fulfilling night for the stoamch and the eyes. haha..and i went to packet tao hua for mum and sis. there was this boy who was kinda irritating. he was looking at my direction and started shouting 'spongebob squarepants, spongebob squarepants!' i look at him and went huh.. i told the guys wad happen and bose said can't help i look like pongebob. i replied. i know, i'm as cute as him and silent dropped in. wa nice ah people.

then we went to the famous RK house for round 2, prata. haha..the uncle was waiting for weee hao ordered. i think that uncle must have anticipated something like pork prata or nasi barbie from wee hao.. haha, but he didn't order.

after their persuasion, wa..ended up at liquid kitchen serangoon area. haha. we went upt he second floor sat near the window. it is happy hour b4 9 so bert and bose was flipping through the menu over and over.. people, you all have to know something, liquid kitchen has the most unique names for their drinks.
let me name a few here: slippery nipple, blowjob( they ordered that), pussy feet

lovely name..LOL. bose called for the waitress and she came.
bose: can i have a blowjob?
waitress: what's that?!
bose: oh there (pointing to the menu) blowjob.
bert: make that 2, 2 blowjob please. thank you.

LOL...through out the orders, the waitress was holding her laughter back as much as she can..lol. the next time i go, i'm going to try something nice..hohoho

there was this lady who was alone on the pool table, i lost the bet which most likely i think they would make me lose purposely. i was suppose to wlak up to the lady and ask hello, may i challenge you at pool. but then! when i stand up, she sat down. basket.
but nvm, played with bert and wee hao and bose took over, bose challenge an outsider who played well, and went home.

guys, i swear not to share the same seat as you guys in the bus-stop. bloody ass..keep pushing me out...

oh one more thing, i give up fighting the dragon, he win. i gave up fighting it.

2007-05-30T23:52:00.001-07:00

here i am, face it.

i am disgusted bymyself for everything now

let this blog be a mirror that reflects my disgusting things so that i will know.

last night, i think about it now, i am disgusted by myself. to whatever happen at where, i don't give a damn who was i or what. i feel disgusted by myself.

wen an, get a fuckin awake of yourself, before you lose yourself totally. i need to fucking wake me up befor ei end up like a thrash which i belief it might be soon if i dun learn to find myself.

WAKE THE FUCK UP!

to anyone reading this, be it, have anything i have done to you or not, i am apologising for my disgusting state. my very terribly state of disgustingness.

i am sorry for everything. to everyone.

after my common test, i will be away for a period of time. uncontactable. i will use this time to go on a holiday or just go somewhere, where i will find myself again. really, sincerely find myself and get rid of my disgusting sight once and for all.

just like what it was said in my previous blog, a promise to myself is another thing. no cold blanket can wet me down.

to my disgusting self, you are a disgace to yourself and a disgrace to your frens. you are disgusting more then anything, read this and get the fuck.

you are getting hopeless and it isn't the right way.

it may sound so emo, but the fact remains the fact, i am disgusted bymyself and i am not intending to talk about this after my common test. here i lay my mind down and stare at my disgusted sight. let thig be the last time i am seeing it. bye bye disgust and fuck off.

2007-05-30T19:42:00.000-07:00

a promise is made to myself no matter i am with who, a promise to myself to end all, i will.

please pardon me for all my wrong doings within this period.

i look into the mirror and found not myself. i am lost, no matter how lost i have become, i just want people to know, i am learning to find myself back.

back, i want myself back.

every nonsense will stop, will end. just let my life continue like it is and it will be back to normal. a promise to myself not others.

redwan ali, would you be there is a nice song. strong sentimental lyrics. but just that sometimes some lyrics of some song will mess with your mind for awhile, but that's normal for such a nice songs.

i need more songs, specially from ht. his genre of songs is wide or whatever the word is to describe.

feeling kinda emo today cause some thoughts crashed into me suddenly. but nvm, i know by mugging the day away would make me feel better and find myself for a while.

to see peopel asking me stop is hurting thing, so i should stop hurting them and myself.

2007-05-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

it's o648 hours in the morning and i am blogging, feels weird.

now i understand somethings.

somethings that i actually don't wanna know.

we tend to feel many weird feelings in the morning, some just make you feel good, some make you feel like shit.

for my morning, i already feel bit shitty. maybe the world today isn't for me. but i can't hide away from it.

it's o650 now, and today it's bert birthday.
to you my bro, you are the funny man of all. the things you say and do, make you a one of a kind brother. you are a good friend and i hope that in this 18 birthday, all of you wishes will come true for you and may your life be a smooth sailing path.

my cat blackie just lick the side of my laptop, she thinks my laptop is delicious..

i'm going, not to school, but to study.

i realise my optimum studying period is this time.

got to go and hope my day wun be shitty today, no matter how i feel, my days still goes on.

today's song dedicated to everyone, everybody's changing by keane.

2007-05-26T23:29:00.001-07:00

firstly, any ass that messes around with my blog and change the language to chinese again, eat my shit.

secondly, let's feel happy that the june holidays is here, clap clap.
CLAP MY ASS
MY COMMON TEST IS STARTING SOON

enjoy your holidays while i eat my brain out.

another good news that i heard a few days ago, STARCRAFT II official website is up. i will buy this game when it is out, a promise made to myself. let's hope it's out during december and it can be a great birthday gift for myself, good idea.

i am going out to buy a shirt later and hopefully a nice belt that is cheap, hopefully bugis offers greater discount.
my insurance is sucking my money away, but i know it'll vomit all out for me in the future.

ever wonder why some people feel sad for some unknown reason?
read this phrase in one of my friends book, i think there's no answer to it. is it?

the world has change so much, kids turning into teens that brings trouble. blood brothers turn out to be people that really suck your blood out. haha, irony.
class that was united broken into different group. sorry but i have to say this.
friends turns into strangers. light that turns into darkness. a crowded place becomes a souless street. a road that turns to become a river.

a phrase that could change a person's live forever, will it?

we are who we are today, not because of what we did, but because of what we've corrected.

a past so real, a present so true

2007-05-24T06:36:00.000-07:00

the first time i buy toto with the prize of S$6.28 million..

sweat trickling down my forehead..excitement running in..

oh...during orientation we cheer: we will win the war we will win the war!

but now, the war has been won. let us now chant: WE WILL WIN TOTO WE WILL WIN TOTO!

oh heaven..just let me strike so that i can help my family with something..come on heaven...come on heaven..hear my call...

2007-05-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

before everything's gone.

to myself to another me, i miss those days. i really do.

do whatever it's right. do it, it's right. you judge what's right what's wrong. no body does that.

i..still miss those days, i really do. whatever it is, my life has change.

whatever it is, i miss it..

one last request to whoever can fulfill it..i..i want those short happy days that has pass to come back.

' if only i could turn back time..'

if only i really could.

2007-05-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

" saint anger round my neck, he never gets respect"

oh no..now he wants respect.

look into my eyes, you see him there, yearning for respect.
no respect, die.

" Fuck it all and no regrets. I hit the lights on these dark sets. I need a voice to let myself. To let myself go free. Fuck it all and fuckin' no regrets. I hit the lights on these dark sets. Medallion noose, I hang myself. Saint Anger 'round my neck"

fuck it all, no regrets. why would i regret doing something right?

" i need a voice to let myself, to let myself go free"

i heard the voice, let it loose then.

" medallion noose, i hang myself, Saint anger 'round my neck"
medallion, noose, i hang him. saint anger round his neck.

"And I want my anger to be healthy
And I want my anger just for me
And I need my anger not to control
And I want my anger to be me
And I need to set my anger free

Set it free"

my anger is for me, i need to set my anger free. why hold it back? afterall, no regrets ain't it?

set it free

2007-05-23T06:03:00.000-07:00

don't bully your own family member fucker.

don't try to think we are young and timid that don't say a fuck. teens like me nowadays are the fucked up squad. try your fucking tactics in making my life miserable, i swear to make your life sorry. i swear to fuck you life upside down.

don't try to fucked up my life. fuck you in your face and try fucking around my life, i will break your fucking neck.

seriously, i wouldn't mind ending his life with my own hands. even if it means getting behind bars for life.

throw away the smile face and show him the fuck face.

the last resort, don't fuck my life, i will fucking make you regret and make you fucking regret for real and BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK

wherever i am, the skies my limit.

so what the limit is dark or bloody, try fucking me in my life. TRY IT. you'll regret everything. i will whack the shit out of your fuck face. try it.

2007-05-20T06:11:00.000-07:00

and then you realise that it's not worth doing so much now.
will you regret doing so much in the future just because you respect the person?

i'm in dilema, should i continue to do it out of respect or should i just stop and be a delinquent that they think i am?

i had enough of this nonsense, why would i do so much for one who would just treat me like a half shit?

talking about it, i just realise another thing. i feel like i've been used.

the used. buried myself alive

2007-05-20T03:31:00.000-07:00

i just made a strong statement,

we are who we are today not because of the mistakes made in the past, but the corrections we did.

and the time comeswhen you realise it's time you receive your future, it's scary.
just one meal and i can feel it...i can feel it... whatever lies ahead, or should i say now.

i feel the burden again. again.

i will carry it, throw off the joker aside and carry it.
with the burden on my back, and the rough terrain ahead, life won't be smooth in this way.

it's a rocky road and bad weather, but i must walk till the end till the time come when i pass the burden to another.

jokes aside, life's inside

no music no life

2007-05-20T01:58:00.000-07:00

no music no life
saw this on a tag some where but i can't remember on which day was it. nice.
it's true i have to agee, no music to me is no life, and then i will be back to those mugging days for O level where everyone will joint he no life gang..LOL..the past la.. but it's nice to think about those days with the men in the unit and class and also in the school.

went back on friday 18th to join my unit's 37ty batch NCO Passing Out Parade. wa seh..didn't relise time pass so quickly. the 38th bathc has already taken over. During my POP, there were still sec one. time flies i guess. well the end of the day it's good to see another batch graduate and take that 4 years of memories with them. it's nice. and even nicer to see my spitfire squad (some) back together taking photos..lovely..haha..but those were the days and in fact those are the greatest people i've meet in my life.

then come saturday. let's skip the morning and noon cause it's not very nice not because what happen but becaue the freaking weather..
human read this, SAVE OUR ENVIRONMENT.
global warming is a damn real threat right in our face, we can't run away form it, it will just end up killin the world and killing us with it.
back to saturday, went to attend TJC CO concert by demand. see, what good friends i am..LOL. supposebly went there alone but saw tammy ( not NYP) my first 3 mth friend..LOL. according to her, i change so much, well, polytechnic does wonders. haha
wathc the concert, oh bixia invited me la. can't help being nice and just had time off another busy week, so spare myself one night to go out enjoy the saturday night. after tt went out with yvonne and 2 of her friends. went lao pa sa to eat but i didn't, diet la.

then i realise, singapore looks rather nice at night. and the weight of mr chew's SLR was on my hand again. oh, i went back on friday and used his SLR to take picutre..wa she..digital SLR, it's a piece of treasure. the click of it is ecstasy. back to saturday, ya, seriously if i was holding his cam ons at night i would snap a few beautiful landscape and keep them. true enough singapore is small but it still has it charms.

sunday..damn it, another boring sunday at home facing tutorial, project and newspapers..sigh...sian ah.

and hearing my aunt talk about that bastard, seriously. i want him to die, sorry, correction.
i want that bastard and his wife to die.

i think for them to die is not enough, i really do hate them. die for them is really not enough.

if anyone actually see what they do and how they behave, it is terrible.

sigh..grandma talking to grandpa amulet...sigh..i can hear it clearly..sigh..it is sad for grandma to know that one of her son is in hospital resting his health, the other being a true bastard, a real true bastard that deserve nothing more but to sent him out of everyone's life.

heaven, please open your eyes wider. see who is doing harm to who. please. my only plead.

oh fuck the night

2007-05-16T11:08:00.001-07:00

my bloodshot eyes tells a story, the story of angst, disappointment, tired.

ok fuck those...FUCK THOSE

really. number's out again..oh fuck it man. can someone safe my pathetic plight huh!?

come kick my ass hard enough.

really..what is wrong with this fucked up life of mine?!

at least soemthing good is done, breakin my ultimate threshold of being tired...this shall b it, the night of breakin away form my own life, flying up to the new sky..ok i dunno what it mean, but tonigh is..fucked up

oh fuck the night

2007-05-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

hey

2007-05-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

serious discussion + wonderful tutors= a great noon.

thanks to liyan, ght in the consultation just now, thanks you guys. to miss koh and mr ong, thanks for lightening up the mood.. haha..really nice to know people like them.

serious man..serious man.. now i doubt if i really am one? i can see myself putting my mind in a piece of serious state to do my work and project discussion. but knowing myself isn't easy i realise.

before i forget, the atmosphere at home last night...totally sucks..so dense..i just hope that some light will shine and direct everyone to the right way. may the heavens look after my family.

help? there wouldn't be this word if the world is self reliant. just some random thoughts, no harm

the phrase flash pass: live free, die young.
there's 2 meaning to this phrase, figure it out and see what you can understand form it.
people walking pass me in the library..holding hands, holding bags, holding notebooks, holding books..holding stuffs..so this is the pace of life. finally able to get a feeling of how it really feels like.

i want to hide away form the similarities but i doubt the differences.
what does that make me? what's this feeling? i'm still searching the answer, by then i find out i'll let everyone know.

i can feel my headache coming, need to keep my mind on work and later when the fun comes,i hope there will really be fun. nothing else but pure 100.001% fun...okok, may be just 200% of fun. there's this theory to share: study hard and play harder.

i just realise the thing i am searching for doesn't seem that attractive. buti've found something more valuable and attractive: friends

no comments

2007-05-15T04:46:00.000-07:00

tell me what will i see if i am bale to tear open the skies?
more injustice?

i exhale my breath of anger against the sky.

what's wrong with the world?

what's wrong with the people?

i am afraid of the similarities but doubt the differences.

just another damn day, a real damn day that has good and bad.

thanks serene for having lunch together with your friend, as for my blog, i see how. maybe change a new one or just change the skin. thanks and rest well.

to my friends, thanks for your understanding and co-operation, knowing you all it's a good thing.
to my family, i love you all.

to the heaven above, why?

funny man

2007-05-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

bert, i take my hat of you, you are the funny man. you win. i have nothing to say. you are the master of all laugh dude..haha..think tonight all of us had a good laugh.

ok this post isn't for bert. it's for no one.

does anyone have this feeling that sometimes some song brings back some memories but you are experiencing it like you are having that feeling now?

i think i just had that feeling. ooh,,it feels...feels...weird.

that song so long ago, a long feeling.
now i listen to it again, a new feeling emerge.

ooh...

it's amazing how music hype up your life.
it's nice,
my hell would be the world of no music. that is one scary shit world man, i wouldn't be able to live a second in that world.

just trying to help. help myself feel better.

yawn

2007-05-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

YAWNS.....
for 3 night i have been falling alseep while reading my notes and newspaper at night...damn it man....sian..eh hong ting study la...people study la...

wa lao..this group so detail...chill la..

ok..i think the only person who can shoot me till i have nothing to say is_ _ _ _ _ _. go figure out.
ask the people that i know in my campus, ask them about me. they would describe me as a Good Leader, in short GL. haha..but then! only this person can really shut me up.

okok, side track. another long day.

i got to go.

nice song

2007-05-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort
Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care If I died bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight,Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind,
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I'm crying (x4)
I can't go on living this way
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight,Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind,Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
I can't go on living this way
Can't go on
Living this way
Nothing's al...right

bad day

2007-05-06T02:10:00.000-07:00

wee~~~~
last night i was able to walk straight without falling into anything..haha..i am getting better at drinking man but i should take it in smaller amount before i get mysefl into trouble. big trouble with my health. but who would bother so much when they are having fun? lol

ok, let's start with yesterday.
saturday 5/6/2007. woke up feeling like a sore pillar. my body was as stiff as a pillar and aching like mad. but i'm used to it.
hogan came and collected the charcoal. haha..sorry hogan, i am not oblivious enough to catch your eyes while i was there and my 'powerful' guiding skills haha.. sorry man.

stayed home for half a day being a free labour before i set off for the bbq. haha... meet serene, jennifer and lynette at queenstown mrt. they were so shock to see me in that attire..haha..i think i look gorgeous that's why. haha..den we cab down before peiwen they all to the condominium...
wa....l a o...the 'condominum' is actually a bunch of flats lying around in queenstown area bundled together with a wall of fence and add in a swimming pool, club house bbq pit and that becomes a condominum..wa best ah..you really cannot expect too much out of anything.

but well, at least the pool area looks condominum like. haha..the 4 of us actually sat at the wrong pit for an hour or so. haha..but nvm. then the rest arrived with the food. and lyn...lyn lyn..stop tico guo jun legs....if u wan, get from him lor. haha. or get him lor

haha..i am evil

after a small amount of food and a large amount of jokes i left for drinking~

cab down and cost less than 10 bucks, wow..lovely
meet a bunch of friends. haha..wanted to go initial initially but didn't know that place opens late. damn but nvm la, still got zoon. oh, something to make clear here. when i was zoon at the first time, i thought the zoon was called zoo-on or what. but last night as we left i caught the name of the place..haha.

we spent $111 there. 5 went 2 downs. heng ah..only 2 down, another one down that's it, we'll have to call for back up. haha..manage to see some people drunk and do and say funny things...very funny. haha...enjoyed laughing at them for awhile before i got down to settle my own feelings.

lovely night last night with the lighting and music. boat quay is filled with life, LIFE.
manage to catch the flying saucers with lights on them. it's nice, real nice and it is created by a group of singaporeans. our own small scale entrepreneurs. be proud of ourselves.

ok, we left after getting everyone who's drunk much sober up and went home together. took tons of stupid pictures on the train, stupid, very stupid. haha..but nvm, fun.

sunday 6/5/07
woke up with a bit of headache.. a bit only ah.
but muscles aching on the double. ARGH
but manage to drag my dead body up to settle my EC project, cucom assignment and hopefully not late. and IEF research. BEAUTIFUL. the research is beautifully done...lovely..tons tons tons of information. now i really believed i choose the right topic. haha.

to my sis, don't be an asshole with me. i won't give a fuck about it.

to bert, now i feel that i may understand why you hate your sis so much.

ok, later on. XXX. nope, not the explicit triple x, but the action movie by...by...vin diesel.

i'm going to do my marketing tutorial later and do newspaper cutting...wa lao..newspaper cutting again...i feel like a karang guni, part time karang guni living on papers.

hoho..tmr going to have 'huh' 'hor' lesson. haha..i will try my best to hold my laughter back. haha..another 2 hours of dodging shots by miss koh..hoho...it's going to be tough. but the tough gets going, the going gets tough.

enough for today.

ending off with a recomendation today, papa roach-last resort. it's a nice song.

2007-05-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

whenever i feel cold, as in really cold.

i just plug in the ear piece and select a few songs to be played.

i can feel the heat flowing form the ear piece through my ear to my whole body. the coldness on my shoulder disappears.

but sometimes the proper hardware randomly selects another song that will bring back the coldness.

music is life. it really is.

saint anger running thorugh my neck. ooh.. the coldness is gone.

i will fight my own war and beat my own devil no matter what it takes.

2007-05-03T08:20:00.000-07:00

i need to stop..
whenever i face the mirror..
my devil stares at me in the eyes..
i have to stop this..

the greatest battle lies within, it's true.

puzzle and hand

2007-05-03T07:40:00.000-07:00

just wondering..
if two hands of different size can hold on to one another, does that mean 2 different puzzle pieces can be placed together to form a new picture?

just wondering, random thoughts.

ok, self-learnt how to use a minor portion of photoshop. the pictures turned out not bad, but boring cause it's in black and white. i will work on it when i have more time to borrow books on it.

i have to admit, my english is getting form bad to worst. haha..read my own post and realised my own mistakes. actaully..it's SOMEONE that reminded me. LOL. ok, got it and will vet through it.

what a wet and gloomy thursday. what a great weather to sleep because i have no lessons today and tmr i only have a 2 hour tutorial but i have to meet the fantastic 4 for project meeting.

the fantastic 4..the group i've been sticking with in year 1 project. haha..they are great people to work with. trust me, it's my honour to work with them. they are smart, resourceful, tactful, clumsy, just great to work with.

i need to know if it is the weather making me feel like this or what.
those that choose to leave. those that choose to stay.

OB tmr..hope they don't do the usual if not i seriously need a new cca..

If I scare you now
Don't run from me
I've been hiding my pain, you see
Said if I scare you now
Don't run from me
I've been hiding my pain, you see

staying alive and how deep is your love?

2007-05-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

manage to caught two of bee gees song after a power nap.
staying alive and how deep is your love

ooh~ satying alive i must!

haha, both are equally nice. it's nice to catch some oldies once in awhile.

perhaps the world revolve around all sort of music, or the other way round. all the same.

haha, new photos loaded in my friendster. some pics that i wished to take them after sometime

i promised no one but myself this is the start and new start, also the end of something.

in this blog, some people will be mentioned. AHEM

ok, first on the list, yvonne.
please please take your medication, mad leh you. scary siah. haha..scare me abit. haha..and enjoy your new cca. have fun and don't get too strong. haha, i mean physically. haha

secondly, to ght, bro. come on dude, it's no time to quit sch or stop studying man. you can do it dude. we all seen you do wonders. whatever it is, you can and don't ever give up this shit. bite on till the end.

thirdly, to tiger (wa lao, my friend think i go join some gang siah) haha..better don't bully little goat. haha..my god, you really like some gang like that. and thanks for studying with me in canteen 2 at night. all the videos you showed are nice, damn funny. i mean it, specially the eli..er, i meant the hippo video. HAHA

fourthly, to hide fans, mourn his death for his music brought us life. to him, to hide.

to myself, yea! NO LESSONS TMR! YEA STAYING ALIVE~

lastly, to joleen, congrats on your completion of your homework, your first piece of work? haha, congrats.

after a power nap just now, woke up at 0015 hours. damn..i am awake. but i can sense the worm of tiredness climbing on me and soon it's bite will fall on me and i will soon..ZzZ

now..now..sigh..i am cutting newspaper. don't mistake it as my new hobby, over my dead ass. i mean it, my ass. i am preparing for my 'huh' 'hor' tutor lessons. my IEF tutor. she loves to say 'huh', 'hor', 'your problem or my problem?', 'i'm the lowest in the hierachy..'
for those that are interested in her lessons, feel free to come to NP. i will bring you to her classes and experience the eer...the horror or joy you decide.

perhaps life is just a show, we are just the main actor/actresses. we play our character well, follow the script and storyline. maybe at the end of it all, we might get an award for our outstanding performance. we never know, do we?

to hide

2007-05-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

to hide,

yea i know you can't read this but still i am writing this for you. not that i know you or what.

hide, you left the world in such a horrible way. you left your fans with tears. i belief they can only dry their tears with the love they have for you and the love to you have for them.

to me, speically after listening to more and more of your performance, your performance are full of live and energy. at least that will tell people about your life, X-japan.

x-japan is a band that made a deep mark in many lives. many, far to many to be counted. to the band, your music is life to us your fans.

hide, you may have move on to afterlife, but i like to look at it this way. you stil live on in our hearts mind and soul and also in the songs X-japan made and the songs you made.

this post is specially dedicated to X-japan and most importantly, the late Matsumoto Hideto.

to all X-japan fans, on this 9th year anniversary of hide's death. let us all not forget their music.

thank you for making such music and bringing them to our lives. thank you all X-japan

2300 hrs

2007-05-01T07:57:00.000-07:00

a few more minutes to 2300 hours and labour day will be all over. holiday all over. sian

ok it's officially 2300 hour now. SIan
i am training my marketing skills with a rare chance, better work on it man.

hope to get the hiary creature from my campus to go. going to talk to him tmr cause there's hot baby going with me..ooh lala~

crack my neck, ooh..lovely feeling. irritating shannel, she not going this sat. she can go eat charcoal. LOL. WHY MUST ALL PS ME!? THAT TIME SAT ALREADY LIKE SHIT LIAO, NOT AGAIN!?

ok, stop giving excuses and work on what i need to do. my new hobby now is to collect lyrics of many songs. many many songs and try to sort them together to explain some funny feelings in me. unique hobby right? it's unique not sick. thanks

hearing my knuckles crack under pressure of both fist sounds nice. it gives me a feeling of awakening, ok maybe fro now it means i am fed up with some stuff. yawn.

oh shit, i needa charge my hp. damn it, my fucking charger is fucking failing the fucking shit out of my fucking handphone and i need to fucking hell change a new mobile phone before it starts to end up like my fucking charger which is now fucking officially fucking failed me. whew...that's a new record set. make a count.

joyanne, you can kiss my fat ass for tricking me to fill in that survey of yours. i am out for revenge, careful :)

tears form x-japan is a sad sad song, lstening the song with its lyrics really bring out the sadness. the tune is sad enough but looking at the lyrics..ai seh, lagi more sad.

in case many might not notice here. my english name (not christian) is rthur, pronounced as arthur. thank you. feel free to greet me by this name. not that i am not proud of my chinese name but i think it'll be much convenient for the new people i am meeting or i've meet.

looking at my msn list, i realised i haven't seen many of my friend for a long time. and i am starting to miss some of them. hoping this june holiday i can met up with them again to make my life better.

music, songs i need more new songs. a clue to all my friends out there. do me a favour, send me any songs you have, i would appreciate it alot.

if i give up now then i will look down on myself, so i should not let myself beat myself. i will bite on, no matter how hard everything is.

wow...i feel special, no sarcasm, i mean it.

serene, this paragraph is dedicated for you.
you are officially a black head that has left a mark in many life, that is including mine. i think without you many people life wouldn't be that meaningful or special, whenever you feel down, look at your friends. those are the people that have you in their heart mind and soul. at least for baoc, you made jennifer feel very comfortable with us around. i can see that and can feel that and ain't no lying. after reading your blog you made me feel special and it made my boring boring labour day light up at the end of it all. thanks friend with black hair. oh, before i forget, your blog has a nice song. very nice. i like it. and you wouldn't be alone with us around, smile!

ok, i am going to prepare for tmr. a new day. a new hope. a new chance. a new new experience.

to everyone out there reading this, tmr will be a better day, it will, nothing will spoil your day. nothing.

look up at the sky, regardless what colour it may be, tell yourself, it will be a lovely day.

i seriously need to stop listening on headset, my left ear begins to hurt.

another random post

2007-04-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

a warning: this is another random post

labour day..rest, slack, huh! NO, study, yes.

happy labour day to all reading this (don't give a damn if this holiday applies for you or not)

another great news to myself, 2 e-learning week! yes baby yes!

another week to have time for proper project discussion. i love it.

last night had a conversation with a group of new friends on religion and kinda related stuff.
one word to describe it: mind blowing. haha, my mind got so tired and overwhelmed by that conversation that when i was on my way home i know i look like a test drive dummy. one thing i have to say is that the topic on religion and stuff is abit sensitive, one wrong statement can change a damn lot of thing so i don't really wanna say the wrong things and stuff.

woke up this morning feeling ok. not too high not too low, just on the ground level and able to get my mind on somethings.

i've noticed that life, things people and everything is, changing. always changing. this is part of life. accept the change and live on, or don't except it and live ur usual life lor. so easy.

life is best kept easy and don't think too much about it. don't worry to much either. live life easily. whatever comes tmr or the next moment is later problems so don't bother think of it, but be prepared for it.

at least that's how i see life. i am not afraid to share how i live my life.
here it goes: all i need is my basic necessities and music and friends. and also my family. and also some free time for me to do some thinking. i mean preparing for the unknown of later and tmr. simple as that.

haha, i am really abit of a simple man. but when u go deeper into those areas, it ain't simple anymore. haha.

ok times up, time for lunch and delicious chicken curry with french loaf.

beautiful sunday

2007-04-29T02:31:00.000-07:00

just took a short walk in behind my house and took notice of the sky, it look really beautiful.

ok, let's start from 28 april, saturday. went to sentosa with my OG group supposebly, but only a few turn up (put both hands together you can get the number). got very disappointed at first, but later on the day, more emerge and i got to know a few new friends. mostly freshies and year 3. played some interaction game and the rest is free and easy, nice eh. some time to myself to do some self talk.

almost got buried alive from some people in green shirts calling themselves the ninja turtle. haha..sounds lame and what they do? they grab a handful of sand and start shooting around like throwing some blades. LOL. all of the turtles are girls by the way. haha.

got quite brown after lying on the sand under the sun. lovely.

woke up this morning feeling my muscle aching all over but i'm used to it. feels good to ache once in awhile cause some pain will keep me awake for the whole day dealing with IEF.

to hell with my tutor also my advisor. no names need to be mentioned.she graduated form hell-hole high school and turn out to be their top student by being a bitch, a real born mad sick bitch. if there's any award for her, that will be the bitchest award. serious. try asking around all of her students, the answers are the same.

enough of bitching about the same person which i am hearing about it everyday from many people in the campus.
intereting fact, being a bitch gets one famous pretty quickly in the campus. lol

sunday went well like it should, slow calm, nothing wow wow happening. mum went out to buy some otah and got some tapioca cake in cold coconut milk, taste great but it is damn un healthy so i grab a piece and the rest gave it to someone. the rest of the day is still in progress

somethings in life is never easy, i have to admit. it isn't easy. but giving up is much harder i realise.
so i'll bite on and move on till i hit my target be it in studies or in life.

somethings are just so interesting in life..haha, go figure it out yourself.

i am getting the feeling that i might be stepping onto something serious that will change lives.

i hate the night

2007-04-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

i hate the night.

simple as that.

i need to find a way out to help myself.

just be myself, yes i am.

i wouldn't let this build up inside of me. i wouldn't and i can't

beauty and stupid

2007-04-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

it's green. LOL. just trying this colour and trying to get use to it.
i am going to get more green clothes

what a day. tutorial lecture tutorial. wow! diploma plus..come kiss my ass. need so many criteria so if i take the course i can be exempted from some modules in university. bloddy ass. LOL.
still asking myself if i can take the workload and stress and weighing to see the opporutnity cost. If it is too high then i don't want to take it. wa..a good business thinking. LOL

a part from the song vermillion by slipknot...

She seems dressed in all the rings
Of past fatalities
So fragile yet so devious
She continues to see....

Hard to say what caught my attention
Fixed and crazy, Aphid Attraction

I won't let this build up inside of me

it isn't real!
I can't make it real!

that's all i have to say to myself and to the world out there. thank you

beauty and stupid, which is which, the answer is clear, very clear

a calm night after a fierce day

2007-04-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

sucky morning cause there is IEF lecture..haha..i must admit it is getting better though.
after everything we went SIM to eat..they serve valuable food man. haha..
GHT and me ordered the combo meal (comprises of a chicken chop and 2 pieces of grilled fish and coleslaw and fries) that cost $5.50..cheap nice, fulfilling..yummy..haha..took a ride to tp to suppose to meet my brothers but end up meet soemone else..haha..had dinner together..i am going to be a fat lub soon. haha.

an advice to everyone (be it you are skinny fat tall short chinese malay indian tan or fair) everyone, you got that idea: SMOKE FREE DIE YOUNG

catch that advice

took 2 sticks today. nothin more then that though i almost. haha. but i didn't.

damn it..how come i feel tired..shit man. tmr a long long day..hope things will turn out interesting.

i want to be MR B.

tired

2007-04-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

i mean it..tonight i am tired...YAWNS....yawn..yawn.
busy tired..yet nice

i like tonight. the atmosphere there the time spent there i like that feeling.
so soothing..so calm, unwound me from my tight spring..feel so free..haha..thanks

i must keep my handphone away from the table. hoho!

my head feels heavy..i'm tired...so tired tonight...YAWNS..where's my battery for tonight? oh, it went flat..too bad..haha..

thanks for the calm feeling and the short company. i enjoyed it

i puffed the most today i guess..haha..3 magic dragon stick..haha..feels rock

the feelings

2007-04-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

the night comes haunting me

i am weak, so please get my weakness away

stop the past from coming back, the past all the way back. don't come back
don't look forward to anything, nothing will happen.

to my new history, its my poison, my antidote. should i take it? i feel i should cause i will make myself stronger.

that dark chocolate is nice yet not nice.

my shadow looks nice, feels like it is stronger than me. my shadow is form by me but why am i so different from it.

the cold air at night flow behind my neck.

hey, enough ah. don't talk to me like you are older then me or what. you are not even mature enough to talk to me this way. you have made yourself hated by me.

life is wonderful and complex. it really is. for the past few days & weeks, i've seen every angle of life. i'm like sitting in the centre of this multi-angle room and being spin around. woo..i feel dizzy from this spinning ride.

a new week is about to begin, a busy one, a hectic one.
may i find the tempo to the new week again

let my shadow take control

school begin

2007-04-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

yes, damn it, shool reopens.

it sucks when one of your tutor is koh poh tee..she's like a mad bitch or should i say she's the devil wife..hoho..haha. just the first lecture she made me feel this way.. i wonder what will life be like for the rest of the semester..haha!

ok, just the first week, life is normal, freshies looking for book, so am i and i haven got a singel piece or book for my semster..haha..screw it.

i feel shitted
hysteria,
twisting me inside,

i hate the night
can i ever run away from the night to hide those thoughts?
i don't think so.......damn it

last night drank wild grass mixture~
hoho..it rocks man, anyone needs the receipe, 50 bucks for it, transfer it to my bank account.

haha..i drink to try to avoid somethings. or some thoughts.haha..

it seriously made me realise how weak i really am. or should i say (not trying to point fingers or find blame on anyone) i was made weak after a long period of time.

i am weak and hate it, i mean mentally weak.
i really hate it and now (hope not to late for anything) making myself strong for it

i hate the nights cause the memories to come back and haunt me. every night around this time..that shitty feeling come back.

it's like my poison and the same time my antidote..haha..try to understand. if not too bad.

why must something end for so long? or never end so easily?

to bose post, yea, the heaven's crying. for who for what we don't know. even we do, we still say we don't want to know.

orientation rocks or should i say MA ROCKS

2007-04-22T07:43:00.002-07:00

LOL...ok, people, MA is not your mama that MA. MA means mythical atlantis which is my orientation..wahahahahahahaha..and all thanks to my SCO (winson, jerel and mori) we won the war or the competition, whichever way u like it..haha..

the last day MA won the war~~~~

we have won the war ...we have won the war~~

haha..the last day mori cried like a broken tap..lol..she cried till eyes swell like mad and for real, this is the first time in my life i seen a femal cry till liddat..haha..scary man.

LOL...after we won the war, or after everything..photo taking. i swear..i swear i see stars..haha.the camera falshes and everything..haha..i thought i was goin blind man.haha

ok, MA7 the group i was taking was fun, energetic..haha..the freshies were cool, fun and really like ever lasting batteries that never run flats..haha, they made my orientation so fun, i never know they were such fun on the first day.haha.

MA7 to u guys, thanks. thanks to all my freshies, those photos taken, i will keep them forever..haha cause they mean alot to me.haha

ok, fuck it

2007-04-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

yes fuck it..i forget about my blog password..and my com clicks onto chinese words. being long away form chinese, i couldn't understand the chinese instructions and got lost in it..today..FINALLY TODAY..I GOT IT
!!!!!!

ok, i will blog proper in the next post, just wait

bitter sweet symphony

2007-04-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

before we start..where's my ngee ann shirt! i need it tmr..rar...retarded man..i hope it is not lost..

now we may begin

that night was the night of bitter sweet
sweetness from that night
the bitterness is added on now

everything is starting to feel like this huge piece of dark chocolate in my mouth. sweet in the beggining and as time goes by, the bitterness starts to fall in

damn it...i mean it, it is sweet. i mean it, it is bitter too

but never mind, just live life one day and see to it one day

to live your life with a mask anot? i guess now i am

somethings are left to be unsaid
that phrase above mean alot of things i could have said.

anger and control

2007-04-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

try youtube, on the search box, typed rocky balboa trailer.
for the first few second of the trialer you can hear rocky say this :
it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward

i have to agree on that.
in life it isn't how well you perform, it's how badly you perform and improve on them.
as far as i know, this is life.

anger
a word that is not alien to many
metallica has this song called saint anger, the following is the lyrics:
Saint Anger 'round my neck
Saint Anger 'round my neck
He never gets respect
Saint Anger 'round my neck
You flush it out, you flush it out
Saint Anger 'round my neck
You flush it out, you flush it out
He never gets respect
Fuck it all and no regrets
I hit the lights on these dark setsI need a voice to let myself
To let myself go free
Fuck it all and fuckin' no regrets
I hit the lights on these dark sets
Medallion noose, I hang myself
Saint Anger 'round my neck
I feel my world shakeLike an earth quake
It's hard to see clear
Is me?It is fear?I'm madly in anger with you
And I want my anger to be healthy
And I want my anger just for me
And I need my anger not to control
And I want my anger to be me
And I need to set my anger freeSet it free

nice eh, try listening to the song and feel the fury of this song.

there's a few part of this song i like it, the starting where they have siant anger around my neck and get no respects kinda thing.
the next part is the chorus whre it begins like fuck it all..haha..

the next part that i just fell in love with, is the part where it says i am madly in anger with you

yes i am though i can't bring myself to, sorry about it but i hate you

gain control

2007-04-09T11:54:00.001-07:00

trying to gain control of myself before i go mad.
i felt like i needed wild grass to keep my mind off things but i don't want to. irony
ended up drinking chocolate malt drink a.k.a milo
not very helpful though.

just hope tonight granny doesn't come down and show me her fury again..

damn it..why the thoughts keep coming back. whether it is the truth or not, i just want to get rid of them so i can keep a clear mind.

felt like i could trust my own senses but then some part of me thinks the other way round.

i guess i'm just thinking too much and this has to stop before it drives me nuts

emo is the word, not sentimental

wild-grass

2007-04-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

that's the name of my new cocktail or remix of alcohol..haha..here's the equation:
WilD GraSS=martell+absolute(any flavour)+some red wine
haha..try it and find not only puff the magic dragon, haha! you'll find the crouching tiger and the hidden dragon in you..haha!

haha..thrash the rubbish aside. to everyone out there, has anyone found the meaning of life?
that has been the question i have been asking for. Is there a guide book to life? haha, if there is can someone please sell it to me? i need answers or guide to somethigns in life, i think i am trying to hard to do somethings and end up losing myself in the process. to make myself realise that i don't lose myself in the process of walking life i have to shout DON'T THINK TOO MUCH to myself.

somepoint in life i realise that i am lost. lost on many many many things. i guess it's many things in life that guide me off to live life on the wrong path. i guess now i see myself on the wrong path of a wrong thing, not a wrong choice to take. i will put in this way: a right choice on the wrong path but for the wrong thing. sounds difficult to understand? haha..take your time.

well, role change re-enactment..haha..i see it also, but i don't really wish to look at it that way. why? hmm..i can't really put it down in many words, i think it is just looking at things the other way round for eveyrone..haha.

i am never one that give up without trying. but sometimes something the soul gives you the answer to give it a try or not. for something, it is a yes.

let things go slowly and steadily so that nothing wrong will happen. nothing will fall in the wrong place like this.

OK, tmr's the start of the orientation...oh ye oh ye ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
to the people in the making of the whole orientation, thanks for making it happen. let's all take the event slowly and make let the event go the right way. people, let's make the even turn out well. let's do it.

i better don't oversleep..haha..i beter don't man, if not shannel or tie me up to a tree and start whacking me with a baseball bat. haha..

ooh~ i feel like taking pictures at the beach

let's hope i have time to post again..tata, gtg!

life is beautiful

2007-04-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

i wake up every moring to find myself dragging my pathetic piece of my ass to work. at work, someone doesn't appreciate the things you have done the reason cause she is too stressed up, throwing all her stress at me, assuming things that doesn't happen. i will be direct here, doris, sometimes i think you are nuts. i mena it..stop it, it is really getting on my nerve.
YES...tmr is the last day of work!!! haha..happy la..but come to think about it. i will miss the people there.

every guy at my age would hope to work with some hot babe to make their working life..hmm..interesting la.. i'm the same. haha..but after working with all these aunties for so long. i realise working with aunties are better. these aunties are much friendlier, much caring then those pretty girls. i mean it people.

these aunties share their experiences with you, cheer you up, help you with whatever help you need. i doubt many of the girls at my age can do that, expecially the experiences. these aunties has taught and shared with me their working experiences and it is a learning lesson here. i sincerely thank them for all that they have helped me.
to think about all these aunties, knowing them for a week and now i'm going to part with them. i tell them that this is life, we meet new people but we will never forget the things that we shared..haha..well life still goes on but the fact remains that we are still frens..haha

coming back to life again..yes..skip half of my working time to pass the game to dior addict 2 ( hope this name is ok) haha..ended up playing it at the void deck..haha..

on the bus..dior addict really deserve a kick in the ass man..scaring me with all the karma thing..damn it..it;s really freaky to thing of it at night..thoughts of fear that your future is...is...AHHHH I CAN'T SAY IT...it's...just..too scary man..ok, enough, I WILL STOP BEING MEAN ..eer...ok, at least i try..haha..

anyway damn it, side track enough. i came home today. changed my shoes played with my precious black beautiful cat and the playful retarded dog..haha, felt like i haven seem them for a month. then i ran up to parents room and told mum about my day. This whole working week made me spend lesser time with my families and frens. speically to my family, i miss them. to my frens, i miss all of you too.
this whole family and fren thing really made me realise how blessed am i with all these precious things around me. life really is like a plain sheet of paper, but with all these precious things on it, it is definitely an ultimate piece of beautiful beautiful art..haha

to bose again, i am arthur now..haha..
to dior, please don't scare me anymore with the karma thing...i really don't need that kinda of life in the future, in case if i do, HANG ME!

impossible is nothing..
hmm taken from adidas..well, there's this part of me that hope that statement is not true, the other part begs to differ. haha..i have a messed up brain..haha..

oh BTW, i am going to link mr brown to my blog..haha..he is my new idol now man...his podcast are damn interesting go check it out people!

my internet hooks onto chinese..damn

2007-04-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

i have no idea whatever think my internet got hook onto, it turns out to be chinese.
ok, to be clearer, whatever program i downloaded, it is in chinses. My msn, wmp, even blogger.com is in chinese!!! i mean what the shit is this man!
i haven been reading chinese for so long and all of a sudden, all the chinese wham bam chim bang all come out!!

damn it! PUI! ok i dun descriminate chinese or what..but it is getting very very very very very very...( and the list goes on) irritating..haha..but luckily,heaven drop me a big help, i downloaded msn and wmp again, everything is english now except blogger.com..

SHIT~~

ok, more about my day..lousy sales quota again..haha..but who cares la
haha, i earn basic pay, no comission or anything..haha. that doris is a bitch..first dun belief i reach at 0930 hours everyday..damn it..haha...
THEN THE FUCKING MAD PART COME...SHE TAKE THIS RED PANTY AND STARTS BRUSHING MY ARMS and start saying things like low sales quota maybe the problem lies with me and this ( the red panty) could bring some good luck.I MEAN IT! FUCK IT! KISS MY CANDY ASS AND LICK IT CLEAN MAN! i'm superstitious and those things like suppose to bring me bad luck instead of good luck..PUI!
RUBBISH WORKING TIME!

anyway rubbish la..post another later, busy now..haha

official opening to seriousman.blogspot.com again

2007-04-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

hello, welcome everyone back here to read about a piece of my life again..before i begin, my cat is eyeing my dinner, i have to be double careful before the rice goes missing..haha..anyway..random la...just another day..at work at hougang mall shouting like a lunatic at people who don't give a fuck about what i am promoting..just bunch of fuckers but this job gave me a chance to take a look at how fast the society is evolving...

anybody need the secret to immortality? i've got it all here for free..haha..yes free
time:2335 hour
duration without sleep: 39 hours 35 min and still counting..
what's in my mind: bunch of fuck up illusions or things that might not be true and some memories like the dark chocolate

let me be more specific, the time without sleep is true still counting, i am not in some kind of sick competition that competes who can go without sleep for the longest. since yesterday morning 8 am i have been working, chatting, everything but no sleeping..haha...i even went for a jog..kinda long distance jog with bose..thanks man..thanks for pacing, owe u one..haha..

before it slips my brain, special thanks to xt for the short company tonight, thanks ah..haha..haven meet up with her for a while, so kinda nice to catch up on things..and i almost miss my stop home cause i was in deep thoughts...

my mind is getting kinda messed up..must be influence of doris...mad woman..better stop listening to her mad mad comments here an there...it's getting into my brain and it is not helpin at all...fuck it

the 2nd part of this secret: let ur mind b as messed/f**ked up as possible
yes...my mind is in some kind of a mess...hard to clean up..let's see if anyone can decifer the following:

the weed has stop swaying
it wants to grow into the tree..
is it the fact that opposite attracts that make the weed feels happy or does it make it feel sader?

i just feel messed up..in my mind only..my thoughts are like mad scenes....relax...i tell myself, but i just failed..damn it..please get the noise in my head off...

the weed mower has choose to not to respond..is it cause it has a new interest to mow on? like at this time now mowing it?

just fucked up...and the song keeps playin in my mind with the only 2 english words pounding over and over in my mind...silent..jealousy..

i need to go toilet hold on ah

2007-04-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

lol...read that it came from someone on the other side of the line..hmm..could it bose...

bose man..when the big man so emo..haha..emo kid siah la..haha..chill man, live life..talking about being emo, the teens society is emo...really emo..haha..

the emo world is nice, check out the songs, dressing, fashion..haha..whatever it is man..all emo..haha

to the world of emo out there,
Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care If I died bleeding?
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight,Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide..

that whole piece above is wrong, live it wrong, that's not call emo, that's call mad.

anyway, carrying on..this is another random post..haha..

i feel like saying this for no reason,
fuck it, kill it, kiss it, smack it, we can all live again

EMO-a big word..

haha..whatever...to the people who will read this, i'm fighting myself...please don't ask..i wouldn't tell...i'm fighting with myself..fighting myself to make me a better person, live it, i should just smack that ass in me...damn,.i hate the things i hear in my brain...please shut up..shut the fuck up..i wouldn't give in to you.

punk it, just another random post

a few pic

a new life

2007-04-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

by now i guess a few of my friends would know that i have broken up.

the reason..better to be confidential..

to bose, thanks for listening
to jojo, thanks for visiting anyway....haha

to my frens, thanks for ur concern and care

to myself, haha..move on..look up move on... i can KMA. KIA, CIA or even MIA..wadever AAA

haha...i should live on..move on, OK REMOVE IT!

anyway, just fuck it..i need to live my life the way i want.

anyway, just fuck it, PEOPLE LISTEN UP, I PUFF TO SEE THE MAGIC DRAGON, I DRINK TO FLOAT AWAY....i KICK PEOPLE ASS if they want me to..haha..whatever..

NO HURRY ME, I AM VERY SERIOUS HERE..

take it or leave it

angel of memory

2006-10-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

look at tt phrase found at the bottom of tt anime character..it has these 3 words, "angel of memory"..
is there such a thing? i think lots of pple will say no.. people will think tt i m crazy... but i noe tt i m not..
finally she has gone to sleep as this time..
haix...angel of memory..can u please come to me...show me wad haf i done for the past few years..haf i regret?? i really dunno...but i live life with no regrets...i think i m just mentally or shuld i say emotionally weak.....well..

let me tell u how i see life now...now, life is lik so short..one opportunity..to do things tt u ever wan cos u never get to haf tt chance again,....but i never do those things tt i wan...ever wanted...only some haf been fulfilled...this life..this life...is wonderful wif frens..seriously..some pple who read this might think tt i haf taken frens too seriously...but hey i find tt it's alright..

now tt everyday i get to see her..i feel contended too..
but feels bad for doing something wrong...

haix..i actually feel lik i need one chance to make things go the way i wan..

PS to everyone, this blog does not consist of heavy hearted posts only, please wait up for more tt r light hearted, thank u very much,,

it's the journey....

2006-03-31T06:05:00.000-08:00

to the boys..... u guys got 8th position..not bad...it's not about gettin 1st or top 3....my frens...it's the journey u guys walk through to the finals...hey, gettin to finals is great enough......yes, it may b dissapointin tt we didn't get 1st..hey look on bright side....u guys got into finals...u guys got the best position in area 5..u haf done us proud...we never blame u guys for anything..in fact, we r proud of u guys...every single effort u guys put in i'm sure we all know it...

to laixing sir....hey,,i belief every1 has done their best le...no worries..look at it this way...life's fair: we get into finals yet we dun get 1st..this may sound weird bt think abt it..it is fair...every1 has done their best le....it's the proccess...i belief tt u understand it btr den any1 ba...u use to told me tt it's the proccess not the result...use this theory to get over it...